Why Do We Lie? And Why Do We Want to Know the Truth?

It's accepted to think that it's very important to always tell the truth in life in general and specifically in relationships.

But let's see why truth is so important to people...

They simply don't understand what the real reason for lying is.

We seem to think that our partners lie to us, because:

They don't love us,
They don't care about us,
They want to hurt us,
We are not important to them,
They betray us...

But this is even not close to what's really going on.

Actually we are lying not to hurt somebody else, but to protect ourselves. We are lying because of our weaknesses.

Sometimes if we tell the truth, people don't accept it. They criticize us, and express anger towards us. And if it's a similar attitude to our own, it becomes a difficult experience.

It's hard to hear that we are not good enough if we really think that we. When we feel whole and complete inside, it doesn't matter what people say about us and how they treat us.

Everyone of us is looking for freedom of being.
We want to feel comfortable with ourselves and with what we do.

But there are some problems with this- we don't feel the legitimization to do it. We don't feel comfortable with ourselves, and we don't believe we really deserve to do what we want.

We learned this from our childhood from our parents and from society. They don't encourage individuals. They want everyone to stay "low" in order to control them.

So when someone judges or criticizes us or our deeds, we prefer to hide the truth in order not to hear that "we are not ok". We prefer to lie to prevent the situation, where we have to protect our right to want, our right to do and our right to be.

And why are we in need of KNOWING the TRUTH?

Why is it so important to us?

Because we believe that anything our partners do, can affect and influence us. And actually the love, happiness and abundance are always available inside without any connection to anything and to anyone.

Our "center" is weak; we define ourselves according to another people. We give them a power to decide for us if we are going to be happy or upset. We give them a the power to make us suffer.

Aren't you sick of it yet?

By Vika Tanski

For practical tips in developing a healthy relationship with yourself and with your partner, sign up to my newsletter here: http://www.my-healthy-relationship.com/?ref=ez-wwl-5

Vika Tanski.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vika_Tanski

Read More..

Learn How to Say NO!

Saying no can be a source of stress for many people so much so that they build up a fear of being asked anything in case they have to say no or worse they comply reluctantly.

I am a people watcher and one thing I have noticed over the years is the way that people deal with requests and how they say 'no'.

I am always very impressed by people who can say no without causing offense or assuming a guilty position for having to say no. I myself do say 'no' but feel very uncomfortable doing so and over the years I have tried to teach myself how to say no without feeling guilty, without defending myself and most importantly without causing offence so that I and the person making the request remain friends.

These are top tips on how to say No with ease

Less is more, do not defend your decision with a multitude of reasons, as this will always give an impression of 'me thinks thou doest protect too much' and the receiver of your no will wonder what you are hiding, what you haven't said and what the heck your problem is!

Preparation is also key. If you find you can't say no to requests for your time and always feel over burdened and perhaps taken advantage of, then prepare in advance some quick answers to the requests you already know are coming your way.

For example:
They say:
'can you do xyz for me please?'
You reply:
'I would, but I have too much on at the moment, have you thought about asking B?'

If this person persists as they know you are a soft touch and may cave under pressure

You reply:
'I tell you what if you can do this for me...
then list a LOT of chores
I will gladly do this for you'

Only use this though if you are genuinely happy to trade chores. But chances are the asker will NOT be happy to trade. Which brings me to the next point

Ask your self : 'is this person considering me with this request?'

If the answer is 'no', then you have no need to feel guilty at all about saying no. They are not considering you thus you do not need to feel obliged and obligated to consider them.

Example:
'Can I smoke in your car?'
Easy answer
I'd rather you didn't, thank you for asking before lighting up. I appreciate it.'

The person has shown consideration by asking you before they light up BUT if they were truly considerate they would not think it acceptable they make your upholstery smell or pollute your lungs in such a small confined space. When they ask before they light up, they are thinking first of themselves and then being 'polite'. Thus you do not need to feel guilty for considering your needs first and then being 'polite' in your refusal.

Also feel free to ask them to do something for you once in a while! If they feel the requests are going to be two way that may in itself reduce their frequency of requests.

While looking at strategies for being more effective at saying no, what is the psychology behind our reluctance to say no?

I have a theory that it stems from childhood, and that as children when we say no to our parents we are scolded. The result of which is that we grow up with a subconscious aversion to saying the word 'no'. I recommend we are thus very careful how we respond to our children when they refuse our requests. Ask your self how important it is that they fulfill our request and why are they saying no? What we do not want to teach them is that saying 'no' in itself is negative and that as adults all requests have to be accommodated.

Note that people also have a strange respect for people who do say no. Perhaps due to the old adage that 'nothing worth having is obtained easily', or perhaps just that they are unaccustomed to hearing it. But if we continue with my theory above, perhaps when someone tells them 'no' subconsciously we are reminded of our parents and other authority figures who said no to us when we were children. these figures commanded respect and yet were also providers, so perhaps when we hear 'no' we place that person saying it in that 'position' of parent, authority, provider role and thus respect the decision and accept it.

Thus you have nothing to fear by saying no, you may actually benefit from it!

I still have a long way to go myself before I feel completely comfortable with saying no, but I believe that a healthy self esteem, confidence and appreciation of self is an integral part of protecting your own self interests.

This article is not intended to turn us all into selfish, unhelpful people, far from it. It is more for those people pleasers who's life really is swamped by requests from people that recognise their need to please and reluctance to say no and that seemingly 'happy to oblige' attitude. These people show the people pleasers no consideration by overly burdening them with requests. Thus no reason to always feel obliged to comply.

This need to say yes all the time can be a source of stress and anxiety and can even lead to illness. If you know someone who you like to ask a lot of, consider whether they really want to do this for you or whether they just feel uncomfortable saying no. If it is the latter then think of other ways to meet your needs without over burdening them. Perhaps if you express your needs they may offer their help but do not hint at needing it as this is again pressure on them to make the offer.

Good luck with your freedom from being a 'yes' person.

By Leah G

Leah Gray aka creativeblogger is an ex Practice Manager in the NHS, Internet Writer, Relationship Columnist and published health and relationship eBook author. She is also a Qualified Stress Consultant and Character Analyst MASC, AMANF. For more details you can email her at creativeblogger@aol.com

Leah's main blog site is Stress Relief 911 and her home page is currently http://www.creative-blogger.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leah_G

Read More..

The Top 3 Traits Women Want in a Man - This is Something Every Man Should Know

So what triggers the female emotions to really go for a specific man? On what basis do women decide which man they are going to choose for a date or even for a long term relationship? You see there are some traits which attracts them to a certain kind of a man. If you develop these traits you will become a stunning girl magnet almost overnight. Read on to discover what these traits are and achieve mind blowing results......

Trigger her emotions- This is what you should be able to do if you really want to get the kind of woman you want. You should be able to get them emotionally involved with you. You see unless a woman will get emotional with you there is absolutely no way she would ever consider you for anything. She should never get dry feelings around you; Always remember that if she is emotionally dry around you she would never be with you.

Make her feel secure- This is another trait every woman desperately desires in her man. You should be able to make her feel secure not only physically but emotionally as well. She should get a sense of security around you as that's something which will really get her into you.

Make her feel good about herself- This is one point which is extremely important when it comes to the matter of really getting her to want you. You should have the ability to make her feel real special about herself when she is in your company. You see we all love ourselves more than we love anyone else. Therefore if you can make her feel good about herself she would be willing to be around you more and more.

By Pushpa Pal Singh

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but you absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover 9 most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know. This is something you can't afford to miss at any cost click here- Tell Me The Secrets

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pushpa_Pal_Singh

Read More..

How to Get a Girlfriend Back After Break Up - Get My Ex Girlfriend Back Using This Principle

I have just broken up with my girlfriend of many years. Is it possible to get her back? What are my chances of success? Are there any relationship tips that I could use?

Well, the chances of your success will really depend on your situation. However, there are always things that you could do to increase your chances of success. Similarly, there are also things that you must avoid doing when you are trying to get your girlfriend back.

If you commit those mistakes, it can potentially make the situation worse and make it even harder for you to get your girlfriend back. This is something that you will definitely want to avoid at all cost.

So, how do I know what are the mistakes to avoid when trying to get my girlfriend back?

Well, there are too many mistakes to be able to go through them one by one in this article. However, if you understand this principle and know it by heart, you will be able to prevent yourself from making those mistakes.

The principle is, "People want what they do not have" If you look at this principle form another viewpoint, it would mean "People do not desire what they can have easily".

So, how can you make use of this principle in your relationship? This is very simple. Don't do things that makes you appear desperate. For example, you don't want to cling on to your girlfriend, you don't want to keep on calling her again and again, you don't want to flood her cell phone with your text messages.

These are all signs of desperation which indirectly mean she can have you easily. According to the principle above, if she can have you easily, she will not desire to get back together with you.

By Allan Lim

How to get a girlfriend back after break up?

Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://www.squidoo.com/magic_of_making_up_now

You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Allan_Lim

Read More..

Some of the Real Reasons Why Men Leave

Seriously, forget everything you've read thus far. Any ordinary guy with a group of male friends will agree with one or more of the following reasons. These are REAL reasons taken from men as to why they have or would have left their relationships. You don't need a relationship expert to explain to you why a man leaves. Sometimes the answers are relatively simple. I don't provide any behavioral theories such as men not being breastfed or being neglected at childhood as a reason for leaving the relationship (although it may apply to some).

So for you ladies who keep asking yourself and/or others as to why men walk away from relationships, here's a list that I composed specifically for you in no particular order.

1. Nagging - This is an honest reason. Ladies, some of you don't realize it but you may nag your partner to death. There is only so much he can take. You may have to ask him to do things more than once but he will eventually get to it. If he doesn't wind up doing it after the third or fourth request, take a moment to find out why before you go into a fit. Did he just get off work? Did he just get home from somewhere? Did he just finish something that may require him to relax for a few minutes? If none of these apply, then he may be just plain lazy and you should be questioning whether you really want him back.

2. Sex - If it's unsatisfying or you are denying him to the point where he questions whether he is living in a monastery or at home, chances are this is a BIG reason. Is he being unreasonable or are you?

3. Love - This is one of the more painful reasons. He may have fallen out of love or may have fallen in love with someone else.

4. Attraction/Physical Appearance - Some of the reasons I came across were that men just weren't physically attracted to their partners anymore. This was usually coupled with falling out of love or at least it may be what triggered it. Remember ladies, this doesn't mean that you are not attractive. Men have different tastes, enjoy different things, have different pleasures, etc...all women are beautiful.

5. Excitement - You may not be interested in the same activities as him. He may be an extremist and want to go sky diving or scuba diving with sharks and you may just want to sit at home with a glass of wine and a movie.

6. Cheating - There are a number of reasons why men cheat. This could be a whole separate topic in itself but for purposes of this article I will limit it to the most common reason which is physical attraction. When a relationship becomes stagnant and/or there is little to no physical attraction or excitement in the relationship, temptation grows stronger. Particularly in work places where most adultery occurs.

7. Self Esteem - Some men feel emasculated or belittled by their partners to the point where they leave. Some may feel that they are not worthy of the relationship. This is one of those reasons that may require some professional help.

8. Kids/marriage - Some men may not want to get married or have kids. Some may want one without the other. Whatever their needs or wants, pushing them into one or both may lead them to walk away from the relationship. Anyhow, if the man you're with doesn't want the same things you want, you should be asking yourself why you are with him in the first place. Ladies, there are plenty of men out there that are looking to get married so don't stress yourself over him. Beside, if this was a serious relationship you should have known in the beginning as to whether or not he was interested in marriage/kids.

9. Commitment - Some men just can't stay committed. For whatever the reason they need to be with different women. Again, this is one of those reasons that can be better explained by a relationship counselor.

So there you have it. These are actual reasons why men have left their partners. There are a few additional reasons that are not listed here but these are typically the most common. I certainly hope this helps you understand or at the very least give you better grasp of why men decide to leave.

By Antonio H

More information and a free video can be found here at http://www.manageyourrelationship.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Antonio_H

Read More..

The Top 3 Traits Women Want in a Man - This is Something Every Man Should Know

So what triggers the female emotions to really go for a specific man? On what basis do women decide which man they are going to choose for a date or even for a long term relationship? You see there are some traits which attracts them to a certain kind of a man. If you develop these traits you will become a stunning girl magnet almost overnight. Read on to discover what these traits are and achieve mind blowing results......

Trigger her emotions- This is what you should be able to do if you really want to get the kind of woman you want. You should be able to get them emotionally involved with you. You see unless a woman will get emotional with you there is absolutely no way she would ever consider you for anything. She should never get dry feelings around you; Always remember that if she is emotionally dry around you she would never be with you.

Make her feel secure- This is another trait every woman desperately desires in her man. You should be able to make her feel secure not only physically but emotionally as well. She should get a sense of security around you as that's something which will really get her into you.

Make her feel good about herself- This is one point which is extremely important when it comes to the matter of really getting her to want you. You should have the ability to make her feel real special about herself when she is in your company. You see we all love ourselves more than we love anyone else. Therefore if you can make her feel good about herself she would be willing to be around you more and more.

By Pushpa Pal Singh

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but you absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover 9 most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know. This is something you can't afford to miss at any cost click here- Tell Me The Secrets

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pushpa_Pal_Singh

Read More..

Why Does A Relationship Get Boring After A While? You Must Know This Before It's Too Late

So why does it happen? You see no matter how well the relationship might start there will always be a time when you would feel that things are not what they used to be and something seems to be missing. This is a stage where the relationship starts going down hill and you must do something immediately as your partner might dump you or even in some cases cheat on you. This is the reason why this is extremely important for you to know. Read on to discover some of the major reasons why a lot of relationships get boring after a while and what you can do about it.......

We stop focusing on out partner- This is one of the major reasons why a lot of relationships get boring after a while. You see a lot of people out there forget about their partner and get more self centered as the relationship progresses. We forget that a relationship is a mutually beneficial agreement and it can never survive unless both partners are happy.

We stop trying- You see in life when you stop doing things which are needed you start getting results you want to avoid. This same concept applies to your relationships as well. The moment you stop trying to make an effort your relationship would automatically get boring and you would not be able to get what you desire out of it.

We never try new things- Another reason why it gets boring is simply due to the fact that you know everything you need to know about your partner and he or she knows everything about so it just gets boring since there is nothing new in the relationship. This is the time you need to bring in new things into your relationship and maybe do something new every day so that it remains fresh.

By Pushpa Pal Singh

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pushpa_Pal_Singh

Read More..

How to Keep a Girl Interested in You Forever - Shocking Underground Tricks You Can't Afford to Miss

What is the secret behind men who are able to make women run after them even after years into the relationship? The problem our society has nowadays is that women seem to have a lot more choices in comparison to before and they have become ever so demanding. So how can one keep his girl interested in him forever and make sure she never leaves him? There are some underground tricks only known to a few using which you can do the same. Read on to discover what these tricks are and how you can keep a girl interested in you as well........

Keep some distance- Yes this is a real way of keeping her attention. Now you might think how will keep distance help the relationship? Well the mistake a lot of men make is that they tend to be available all the time due to which the girl starts taking you for granted since you are there all the time. So you see the more you keep distance the greater her interest levels would be.

Send mixed signals- Stop being predictable. Let her play the guessing game and let her figure out what you are really up to. What this does is it adds a level of mystery into the relationship where her interest levels grow instead of die with time.

Treat her like a friend- Now this is the biggest secret to making a girl really interested in you. You see when you try to treat her like a friend even when she wants a relationship what she would do is always try to live up to your standards and would do all possible things to keep your attention.

By Pushpa Pal Singh

An absolute must know for you- This secret is an absolute must know for you no matter what. This is the grand daddy of all which would give you the ultimate power to become a magnet towards which every woman would be attracted. This is only known to a few and you are one of the lucky one's who are being introduced to this shocking secret click here- Tell me the Secret

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pushpa_Pal_Singh

Read More..

3 Things A Woman Can't Resist In A Relationship - This Is Something Every Man Must Know & Do

So what's keeps a woman interested in a relationship? What truly makes her tick? You see there are several things men do which turn women off due to which several relationships end up in a divorce but there are things you can do right now which would ensure a healthy relationship in the long term and your partner would never even think about leaving you. Read on to discover the things women can't resist in a relationship......

Express your love everyday- Saying I love you one day and being dry the other does not work in a relationship. You see when you are in a relationship constant effort is required to really keep it fresh and alive. Therefore make it a point to let your partner know how much you love her everyday. You don't really have to say it but you can express with your body language and physical gestures.

Tell her how great your life has become after she came into it- One thing every woman wants to hear from her man is what difference she has made in his life at the same time she needs to feel loved and wanted. Therefore when you tell her what she truly means to you and how good your life has become because of her the relationship would remain healthy and would grow with time.

Let the element of surprise be there- Another thing you must ensure is the element of surprise in the relationship. Often men don't bother to surprise their spouse after a while and the relationship becomes extremely predictable. This is the reason why you must surprise her once in a while as that would keep it more exciting and the passion would always remain there.

By Pushpa Pal Singh

An absolute must know for you- This secret is an absolute must know for you no matter what. This is the grand daddy of all which would give you the ultimate power to become a magnet towards which every woman would be attracted. This is only known to a few and you are one of the lucky one's who are being introduced to this shocking secret click here- Tell me the Secret

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pushpa_Pal_Singh

Read More..

3 Deadly Mistakes People Make In Relationships - You Must Be Aware Of These Before Its Too Late

Everything seems great at first but why is it that some relationships just tend to go downhill after a while? No matter how hard the couples might try but nothing seems to work and it doesn't seem to get back on the right track. You see we make lot of mistakes with our relationships due to which we suffer in the long term. This is the reason why it's important to know how to avoid them and what they are than to suffer it's consequences. Read on to discover some of the most deadly mistakes people make in their relationships......

Not being clear with the goals- Often people do enter into relationship but are not sure about where to take that relationship. They want to one thing but they are never able to stick to it. One partner says one thing while other says something else which often leads to the atmosphere of conflict due to which relationship does not survive long. This is the reason why it's extremely important to be clear about your goals with the relationship and where you want to take it.

Stop being demanding- A lot of the times we get real demanding since we feel our partner is not committed enough anymore. You see demanding more under this situation will only make you more insecure due to which you will further push your partner away.

Try to spend short but quality time- Another big mistake a lot of people make out there is that they don't seem to spend much time with their partner due to which the relationship starts falling apart. You see what's the use of being in a relationship if you don't have enough time for your partner? Therefore make it a point to spend some quality time with your partner everyday no matter what.

By Pushpa Pal Singh

An absolute must know for you- This secret is an absolute must know for you no matter what. This is the grand daddy of all which would give you the ultimate power to become a magnet towards which every woman would be attracted. This is only known to a few and you are one of the lucky one's who are being introduced to this shocking secret click here- Tell me the Secret

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pushpa_Pal_Singh

Read More..

The True Meaning of a Healthy Relationship

The truth about relationships is our relationships are a hundred times more important than we realize.

Now, I must admit, there was a time in my life when I would have laughed at that statement! No, I didn't need my relationships, I was strong and fiercely independent,but now, after surviving two skirmishes with death, and after finding myself face-to-face with realities few ever live to tell about, I doubt that statement could be more true . . .

Unless, of course, I were to amend it as follows:Our relationships are a thousand times more important than we realize! Yes, I said a thousand, and I did not intend it as metaphorical.

Think about how many of the world's problems could be solved with healthy communication. Think about how many of your own problems could be solved by healthy communication. Yes, but there's the key word there - healthy communication. We all communicate, it's how we communicate which is the issue. How many people do you know who refuse to speak to someone because of their pride, or because they don't want to get into a "confrontation."

But not all communication to work out problems wind up in 'aggressive confrontation.' Some people just - talk. Who in your circle would you have a better relationship with if you were able to more effectively communicate with them if ego would allow? Your parent, child, friend, spouse, co-worker? How much better would you feel? How much would airing things out help your own health and well-being? How much more would it allow you to effectively meet the challenges of everyday life if you didn't have emotions inside you simmering like a pressure cooker, or if you weren't in a constant state of battle?

Certainly not everyone is experienced at win-win communication, and chances are if you are, you will eventually run into someone close to you who is not. Everybody has different communication styles. What is yours?

Healthy relationships bring happiness and also make people feel good about themselves. A person can have a good healthy relationship with friends, family and dating partners. In almost all types of healthy relationships, the mind will tempt you to spend all of your time with the new partner. But, this can eventually lead to a few unhealthy tendencies. For healthy relationships with partners and other people, it is necessary to arrange special time together. Studies have revealed that people with healthy relationships enjoy less stress in life.

There are some indications as to whether one has a healthy relationship or not. A relationship becomes healthy when you feel good about yourself in the presence of your partner. When there is an equal amount of give and take in the relationship, when you can trust the partner with your secrets, and wherever you feel safe in the company of your partner and like to spend more time with the person, it highlights a healthy relationship.

Healthy relationships always depend on respect, trust and commitment. Keeping expectations realistic, talking with each other, being flexible and dependable, taking care of yourself, showing warmth, and keeping life balanced are essential for a healthy relationship.

By Tom Starck

eKnow Inc, a Leading eBooks Company
Find More Tips and info at Love & Sex, Relationship & Dating

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tom_Starck

Read More..

3 Dangerous Most People Make With Their Relationships - You Must Be Aware of These at All Costs

Every person out there gets into a relationship expecting long term happiness and well being. Your relationships will more or less determine your daily well being and at the same time will prove to be an important determinant of your success or failure in life. This is the major reason why you must know how to keep a relationship strong. But there are some deadly mistakes a lot of people make on a constant basis which can lead to devastating results. Read on to discover what these mistakes are and what you can do about it.

Blaming your spouse and not taking responsibility- This is one of the major mistakes a lot of people out there make on a regular basis. People often end up in arguments with their spouse and do not admit to their mistakes even when they know they were wrong. You see it's often better to shed your ego and admit to your mistakes for the long term well being of the relationship.

Accept your spouse the way he/she is- This is another mistake a lot of people out there make. They want their spouse to change for them and expect them to adapt according to what they want them to be. You see a relationship can only last in the long term when you accept your partner the way they are and not try to change them.

Keep their needs in mind- A relationship all about doing things mutually therefore try to keep your partners needs and desires in mind. A lot of couples out there try to force their needs on their partner and this often leads to heated arguments which leads to constant friction in the relationship.

By Pushpa Pal Singh

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but you absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover 9 most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know. This is something you can't afford to miss at any cost click here- Tell Me The Secrets

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pushpa_Pal_Singh

Read More..